One Flight Over The Papa Bear's Den ili neveroyatnye priklyucheniya hokeistov

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One Flight Over The Papa Bear's Den ili neveroyatnye priklyucheniya hokeistov v nashei lige part I

As I was driving around Sunday, listening to 104 best rock songs of all time on 104.3 FM, thoughts about our 1st waiver period kept creeping into my mind. Yes, Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall" volume II was there, Stones' "Satisfaction", as well as Led's "Stairway To Heaven" and bunch of others that I just do not have time to type in and mention here. But let's get back to our waivers. In my humble opinion, calling it entertaining would be an understatement. Our first waiver period was as awkward as the morning the guys from "Hangover" woke up in their room in Vegas to find a freaking Tiger in the bathroom and a baby in the closet and that is on top of a missing dentist's tooth and bunch of other stuff that just makes you piss in your pants and wonder who comes up with this shit. Nicely done, really nicely done, all I can say. The father of the bride said it best: "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas… Except for herpes. That shit will come back with you." So what comes back with us from our first waiver period? Let’s take a look-see.
But first please allow me to take you on a little journey to the darkest corners of a fantasy hockey soul. I know this part of my blog could be as boring to most of you as the movie "Joy Luck Club" to any normal guy, but please bear with me.  I consider myself a lucky man. I guess you can say I have been blessed with everything a guy can wish for.  I continually catch myself thinking of life as a glass half full type of concept. Happy with my job, enjoy spending time with friends, have a big loving family and house full of kids that keep me on my toes and a beautiful wife that just understands me and does not shove a big hobby of mine (hockey – real and fantasy) in my face every time she gets a chance. And trust me; she sure had plenty of chances to do that if she wanted to. So now that you know more about me that I probably should have shared, you asking yourself WTF is this guy talking about and why on earth should we care about it. And the answer is - you should not of course.  In the words of a wise: "There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?" (Airplane) All I wanted to point out is that it takes a big pile of shit to get me nervous; and I think this waiver period might have just done that. We need to nip this out of whack waiver period madness that lasts a week or more in the bud. We need rules in place that will help us fly this Happy Plane we call Papa Bear Fantasy without too many unforeseen surprises.
I think we might be ready for a one day (one hour or so online via Google doc) type of waiver process. Maybe get together online one day around 10pm or so and get these waivers knocked out of the way. Each manager gets 5 minutes to pick/trade his pick. I think when we get a day to ponder about our choices, we as a very inventive bunch, tend to over think and often try to bend the rules within the limits and sometimes beyond the limits. Thus having everybody there online on IM and ready to go will make sure that there will be no half-assed ideas that creep in our minds sometimes when we are not short on time. Please let Igor know if there is anybody who cannot handle the Truth of a 5 minute waiver pickup.
And now a little post mortem on our 1st waiver period.  I was talking to one of the managers and we were reminiscing on some of the best waiver picks that have happened in our league. There was a mention of Bobby Ryan types of picks. And I guess we all are searching for the next Bobby Ryan, don’t  we? So we started out with a very solid pick of in my opinion of the next Bobby Ryan. And I think Penguins got it. Jeff Skinner, remember his name, looks like a real deal and could prove to be a very nice little pick up for Dima for many years to come. But what would become more of news was at the time seemingly meaningless drop of Chris Kunitz. Let’s remember that name as well.
2nd wiaver move was the boldest move I think I have ever seen in our league. (but boy was I under estimating our league). Sokol sends oft-injured Varlamov packing for up and comer rook from Phily in Sergei Bobrovski. Only time will tell us if Russ hits a jackpot on this one or not. But that move I think fuels the fire of craziness that surely followed in the upcoming picks. As Joe Pesci (My Cousin Vinny) said to Stan (one of the boys he was there to defend) in jail cell the first time they met "You're getting fucked one way or the other." And "Excuse me, but I think a modicum of gratitude would not be out of line here." People were getting screwed either way no matter who they drop or pick up.
Transformers went for a guy who is using a change of scenery to all possible limits and leads his new team to respectability.  Points will come to Ladd and when you drop a member of the "Family", be it a Byelorussian Mafia Family, you better get points for it.
DX went to the outskirts of Romania to find his center. Mr. Letestu is sole beneficiary of Jordan Staal injury and has an open window of opportunity to show that he belongs. The guy that bit the dust was once one of my favorite breaks out candidates for years – Patty O’Sully I guess does not have luck of the Irish, or maybe he just does not have a work ethic that would surely make him a superstar in the league. Good riddance I say.
Broadways Stars saw something in Chris Kunitz that Penguins saw when they drafted him, but felt was not worth the Next Big Waiver Pick up in Jeff Skinner. Reusable players galore I guess. Just stick with the “Crosby show” Chris and you will be fine.
Ruff Ryders drop a Poni for a guy who is leading Leafs in scoring this year. No Not Phil Kessel, he was not available. It is Clark MacArthur, though he is not Wendel Clark, but he could be a very serviceable player that can get 60 points easily this year.
Icemen grabbed another leading scorer on a bad team in Blake Comeau, going with the principle that somebody has to score for them I guess. So points will come. I just selfishly hope they will come through JT.
DX felt there was value in a Ranger’s defenseman not name Brian Leetch. So he trades up (getting Gladiator’s pick) to give Rozsival a new home and Keith Ballard hits the waiver wire. Igor when was the last time a ranger pick worked out for you man. I learned my lesson. Hope it will work for you.
Raffi Torres is doing a really nice Alex Burrows impression so far. I guess Desna feels that he has finally arrived. The test will come with Burrow’s return. If Raffi stick, Borya got himself a nice player. Father Time - Ray Whitney had to go.
And then we come to an insane chain of events that dragged 3 or 4 managers in heavy negotiations and all of the league’s commishes into discussion and decision mode. Chernomoretz drops Khabi (possibly based on somewhat misleading information and that is what you get when we have lots of time to discuss things) and grabs suddenly available Semyon Varlamov. Tsunami, somewhat in shock and almost on autopilot picks up Bullin Wall giggling like a girl just asked on the date. Feliks places another brick in the wall of solid number one goaltending on his team. Thus cementing himself with 4 starting goalies, a luxury king Midas could envy if he’d ever played Fantasy Hockey. Alan starts his own hunt for another goalie and swings numerous minor deals to get to where he wants to be to claim Brent Johnson off waivers. This move looks good right now, but the jury is still out on Marc Andre Fleury I think. Can Johnson displace MAF as a starting goalie in Pittsburgh? Or did he already do so? Not sure. My personal take is that Flowers (fleury) start to bloom in the spring and Penguins will probably go to their #1 guy when the games will be on the line.
   So to sum it up in the words of Mac McGrath (a sleazy news editor set to sell scandals and ruin celebrities) from Mr. Deeds: "Heroic is nice; depraved and insane is better" And that is what we have had in our 1st waiver wire – Deprived and Insane. And that could be the reason yours truly stayed away and traded his pick in this round for the next one, in hope that we all will have a nice and smoother road ahead of us in round Deuce. Good luck to all and as always it is an honor to share the field of fantasy hockey battle with you. Until next article I bid you farewell.