B-Train Monsters closing statements

Guys,
please enjoy the creative writing of one of our own B-Train Monsters closing statements: (Thank you Boris, very funny. Please feel free to lay some smack on my team even more, I deserve it. what a season for me) Next time don't be shy and post as you wish.
and now without any more delays, your closing words:

Another year of fun and exciting season of regular season baseball has come and gone. Congrats go out to our repeat winner Rob, the BK brigade, although Team Pirates is challenging it since FANTRAX says so…so since it is papa bear rules after all, I’ll offer up a solution to you all…let’s call it a tie!!! We’ll just split 1st 2 spots and call it a day…alright, BK brigade said thanks, but no thanks and since he never got the trophy on time from DECHA, who technically passed it on to Pirates, who technically never gave it to Brigade, I’ll just call it a curse!!! I mean, it looked for a while like Pirates was about to take the trophy home, only to see it slip away in the final weeks of the season. Before we recap our fantasy regular season, I’d like to point out a couple of BIG surprises in the real MLB. O’s and A’s, who seemingly were predicted to finish last, finished 1st, O’s in the wild card, and A’s in the WEST, out of all the leagues!!! Johnson (who???) finished 1st in saves in AL, Cabrera hit for a cycle, Rodney having the best season statistic wise by a closer with a smaller ERA than someone’s…ego, Pirates almost won their division (wait, these are the pirates so they still finished below .500) thanks to AJ I can’t pitch in New York Burnett. I guess pitching in New York with that big head helped him in Pittsburgh. Another surprise was Melky Cabrera doing things we as Yankees fans thought he would never do (like cheat!!!). eh, enough about them, and let’s talk about us…OK, 1 last jab at the Red Sucks and their chockers…another September, another
   First I’d like to congratulate our bottom feeders. I’ll start with Marat, the master of disaster and the papabear website guru. What can I say? Bad luck? Bad draft? How about a combination of both with a little cherry on top called RODNEY!!! I know that drafting can be hard but passing up on the closer during the first waiver came back to bite you in the rear. Congrats on being the bottom feeder, hopefully people in the league appreciate you enough to chip in for your basement finish.
   Ukrainian Hitmen were exactly opposite of that…urkainian hit and miss men. They performed like team Ukraine in the world cup, looked like at 1 point they were in it to win it, only to end up in the basement with SI, holding on to 11th place finish. If you want to see a light at the end of the tunnel, you did get nice keepers for next year, made a trade with your brother, discovered a gem in Rodney and rejuvenated Jeter!!! Maybe you can call him up and he will pay for your 11th place? Oh yeah, and on top of that, you’re 1 of 2 teams that didn’t even win a single week!!! the other team you ask…
   Team Ocean Avenue sounders was able to float around 10th place for most of the season, and that’s where he ended up. Some questionable decisions during draft dug your team in the whole, losing a closer before the season even begun was NOT cool, and then losing Mariano (THANKS Jayson Nix!!!) but I’m sure having Mike Trout on your team makes it a little easier to swallow knowing that’s 1 first rounder that you can keep in 18th…btw, did I mention that you too, didn’t win jack?
   Fanky, who floated most of the year in the basement, made a run towards the last couple of months and was able to wiggle out of the additional paying spots. Losing 1st rounder in Matt Kemp didn’t help, neither did Jose Bautista wrist injury (still want to know how Ocean Ave. Sounders didn’t take him away from you when he had a chance last year). If it was your last hoorah, you handled yourself well, except that time when you tried to pull off a fast by papabear!!!
   Irvin had a solid year but solid years do not produce championships. He was able to talk Felix into giving up prospects, including the coveted Jennings and Freeman. Felix again, after mortgaging half his keepers even though he was set in stone for third, didn’t win…well, he almost won hockey…but he didn’t. Irvin was also able to grab the Cuban sensation and is poised to have nice keepers for next year.
   Speaking of next year, B train monsters closed the year full head of steam…of nothing. Yeah, he won the last week, and he actually had 4 closers!!! It was a tough year all around as he lost his 1st rounder to injury in April, 2B that was supposed to come back in may didn’t come back until around all-star game, SS that was supposed to be back in april came back in june, got traded, was made fun of and still made his final lineup!!! He has a lot to look forward too for next year with his last year eligible keepers so it will be interesting to see if he can reclaim the top honor.
   Team Bulls as always drafted, sat back and enjoyed the ride. Without making much splash this year, Russ finished quietly in 5th place, where he was most of the year. Imagine where you would have been had you not drafted Soriano? Maybe it was you who secretly wanted an injury to all-time saves leader? All in all, solid year but as I stated before, solid can only get so far in life, but not in fantasy.
   Team BBB was floating around the top for most of the year and then something happened where he wasn’t at the top no more. I have to say, maybe an extra trade or 2 would have helped but at the end of the day, 4th place finish is still a solid result. With the pitching staff, ½ of which are keepers, next year looks awe fully sunny on brighton beach, while on derebasovksaya…
   Odessa Sailors…what can I say? Do you even know who Jim Johnson is? Isn’t he the former cowboys coach who won a super bowl and now gets paid a lot of $$$ on fox to talk nonsense? Cudos to you taking a chance on him and making him the saves leader on a team that nobody gave a chance. Funny how ryan cook just “felt” to your lap during 1 of the waiver wire periods, how did that happen? Maybe because he lost his closing gig cost you 2nd place, or maybe it was the fact that you gave up keepers even though you didn’t have to give up keepers b/c you had 3rd placed sealed? In any case congrats, $$$ just keeps on coming in…maybe we should all procrastinate during draft and ask 11 other managers what we should draft? or maybe sailors can just be pirates?
   Speaking of pirates, a team that just ran out of steam. It reminds me of an old Russian joke. It goes like this “plil, plil, plil, a na beregu rechki usralsia”. All year long, the weakness of this team was lack of 2B and SS. Getting Willie Bloomquist (WHO??? and how do you spell that???) and having I’m always injured lowrie on the squad didn’t help and it came back to bite you. Heath Bell and Balfour were weak spots all year long but at the end, your unwillingness to part ways with your keepers dug you in…oh wait, you did give up 3 keepers, including the coveted Joe V, Matt Less is more…hopefully 2nd place makes you sleep at night better knowing that you mortgaged ½ your team and didn’t win
   And now our big winner, our defending champ BK brigade. Congrats!!! Are we beginning to see a dynasty being formed? Are you the New York Yankees of the late 90’s or is just luck? Probably a case of both but nevertheless, solid team anchored by a potential Cy young Winner in NL DICKEY (really? a knuckleballer is your #1 ace!!!)…without many weakness on this year team, and with plenty more keepers for next year, team Brigade was the BEST team in 2012. With 4 perennial closers, 2 all-star catchers, and a stud-studded lineup, Rob deserves the trophy…hopefully for next year, he learns that sharing is caring and realizes there are 11 other managers that want that trophy…so here’s to you, Mr. Brigade, congrats and TAKE YOUR DEAMN TROPHY!!!
Until next year boys, hopefully hockey will start soon (I know Pirates are still dreaming and hoping that buttman will unlock the union and it’s players and allow us real fans to enjoy the sport we love!!!)