goon
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« on: December 22, 2010, 10:49:45 PM » |
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As Holiday season makes its way around, a lot of Fantasy GMs are hard at work writing letters to Santa, Ded Moroz, Hanukkah Harry, Brian Burke or whatever else you believe in, asking for a prosperous "fantasy wise" new year. So i have been able to intercept a couple of your letters and with your permission will expose some of them to all of you.
Dear Dedushka Moroz, please grant Sydney Crosby a fun loving personality to go along his insane talent and his unbelievable scoring streak. Also can you please remind Alexander Frolov that the season has started. Paging ... Alexander Frolov, ... Alexander Frolov And please make that Pillsbury Boy - Bruce Budreau just pick a goalie and run with it. (Varlamov, Neuvrith, whatever just stick with one - preferably Varly, no reason just asking) - sincerely Alan
Dear Dedushka Moroz, Thank you for the early gift of Logan Couture, but did you have to wrap it in the packaging that includes cardboard image of Alexei Kovalev? I have a confession to make, I was a nutty boy this year. I actually thought Marty Turco can still play goal. But if you grant me another goalie via trade, waiver or any other means I would really appreciate it. I might even consider not including Alexei Kovalev in any package going back. - sincerely Boris
Dear Dedushka Moroz, Oh Mighty Please grant me strength not to trade Ryan Miller. That is it. I really don't need anything else from you. The rest i can get from all other GMs in the league. Oh by the way if I do trade Miller, please let it be for something more than Brent Johnson, Pascal Leclaire or a shoe lace hanging from the top of the crossbar. (though Leafs fans think that this shoelace would have been a better option than Vesa Toskala was). Thank you - sincerely Felix Dear Albert Einstein, It seems I might suffering from Glen Sather disease where I can not grasp a concept of paying for something as close to the value as possible without going over. Can I please have a book of Elementary Algebra for the holidays. It seems no matter what I do and how many trades I make and how many teams i help to fit their pieces into the line up, I always end up having my top producing players on the bench. Oh, I forgot, can I get another copy so i can present it as a gift to Lou Lamarello, not that he will need it for the next 15 years. And also can I please get an address of anybody in the world that still thinks that Jay Bouwmeester is an elite viable fantasy defensemen. - Alex (Fanky)
Dear God I have another superstar left. Please apply all your mighty powers to part the sea of suckdom and allow me to transform my team from water to wine. You know I am the only one who can really talk to you. As Moses of this league, I would like my followers to adhere to all 613 commandments of fantasy sport that you and I came up with. I do not have the time to list all of them right now, but I am sure you remember the first one. I am the lord of Fantasy Sport and no one in this league, besides me should have The Lord Igor's cup. - Moses (sorry Igor)
Dear Whoever you are, you suck. Thanks so much for taking Zack Parise out early and putting me behind the ball from the get go. Also I hope you avoid walking in the dark empty hallways for a while, since injuring Chris Pronger can not be good for your health. I would be on the look out for the possibility of getting elbowed in the throat during the next couple of days. Did I mention you suck? you do. - sincerely Irvin
Dear God, I am making all the right moves this year. I picked up guys that are young, salary cheap and talented. I also traded for Getzlaf to make a run for it this year along with positioning myself for the best keeper crop going forward with Skinner, Kulemin, Pavelec and etc ... All I want from you is the sign that Mike Green is alive. Please oblige at your earliest convenience. - yours truly Lou
Dear God, I know this is not a real new year and stuff, but would it be possible to make an exception for me and remind Islanders Front Office and there are fantasy GMs out-there that who not only actually drafted players from that team, but were naive enough to keep some of them as well as their top choice. If this is the way to give me a sign that JT is more of an Alexandr Daigle than Sydney Crosby, than it is a very cruel joke. And if you have a chance, can you please point me to the right Pittsburgh defensman in the next draft (paul martin you devil - you suck). much appreciate it. - Marat
Dear Dedushka Moroz, whatever spell you did on all other GMs in the second waiver period, please keep it on. Maybe this way I will be the only one picking in the 3rd or trading 10 picks for Crosby. Hee Hee. Not asking for much I know, but you will just owe me one. - thank you Max.
Dear Dedushka Moroz, I know my brother wrote to you about some crazy spell we are under, but you are one SOB I must tell you. Kovalchuk, Really? I should have known better. Nothing that touches Satan's crib will ever thrive. You out of all people should have warned me about it. And if at all possible, please keep Leighton in AHL as much as possible. - Ruslan
Dear God, I got Stamkos and I got Buff, two of the most coveted fantasy assets this year. I am ready to win. All I need is for you to ban Fanky from making trades with anybody. Thank you - Vitalik
Dear Dedushka Moroz, All I want is for Gino to be the good old Gino. I know that you can make him the best fantasy player in the league if you want to. And please remember I still have ome more magical trade with Fanky left this year. I will call you when the time is right. (I have my eyes on Henrik, sorry Vitalik, not your year just yet) - See you later Vlad.
Dear Santa, this is Brian. Brian Burke. Please continue to hypnotize people of Toronto into believing that my trading all future picks of the Leafs for Phil Kessel to Boston was a great future looking trade for my team. And let my team score lots of goals. Just like all other Fantasy GMs wish.
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